I didn’t like the Christmas Tree watering options out there. None had everything I wanted, so I made my own version. 
It has been working great for over a week. Tree is all green and happy. I’m happy that I don’t have to go under the tree ever again.
Science is happy I used it. Feel free to make a version of your own.
After much research, I’ve found that Time Warner Cable is throttling downloads to my server. Downloading the same 200MB zip file directly from my site, or through a proxy shows 4x speed up using a proxy server.
I’ve contacted Bluehost(my datacenter) and Time Warner Cable. Time Warner Cable’s tier 3 support said they do not throttle but had no idea why my issues were happening.
